Thursday, 20 August 2015

Partner has left me AGAIN

Sorry to my readers I didn't post yesterday, or reply to the wonderful comment you left about dealing greif with the 
of my nan. 

My so called partner left again yesterday!

Did he have a reason NO.

Ill explain.

He put in for a claim for carers allowance and had a lovely little back date. I needed some of it for bills a tiny about for what he actually got paid. 

He kicked right off. Say about my gambling ( yes I do have a little problem with that, but I'm working on it) The thing is with the gambling he always sits there with me and agrees to the money I put on. As soon as he has money I'm all wrong for it.

He has brought up about how much work I do on my blog, when a week ago he was all supportive of it. 
The real reason he has left? To keep the money. He will go off and spend then expect to come back. He has left me and his children £20 to live on until Tuesday. ( nice father eh?)

Am I bothered, No not at the moment. I have been here so many times that its such old news..

He will go stay with his mother and turn all phones off. That's normally the part that bothers me, but that even running dry in my eyes now. I expect now. He does it to keep control and I see that now. Ignoring someone that has done nothing wrong is all part of control. 

I am thinking I really do need to leave this relationship. He kind of makes my illness worse. He lets me get better then leaves to make me ill again. He keeps all the control then doesn't he. 
I know I'll have bad days and it's them bad days that makes me cave into taking him back. Plus four children under 5 is very hard by yourself. 

Having said that writing this blog has made me see all the things I have got through in my life and is it such a big thing him leaving. I actually don't think it is. 

I might just be having a positive day and crash tomorrow, but today I'm thinking that he has done this so many times to me and my children. Its better he is not here. 

He told me that I make him sick and that I make him sick that much that its over. 

I am no way going to put up with that. Maybe I have for the last 7 years, but I am medicated now and quite stable in my mind. 

I just thought I would let you know what is going on and if I don't post you know the reason why. My determination is to carry on with this blog and write my book regardless of is going on in my life. This blog is a very big positive in my life and it helps keep me stable. 

My partner can be a very selfish man. I don't think I can put up with it anymore. I feel I deserve better then that . It's took me 7 years to think at it like that but, I really think I do. Maybe I am stable enough now to make the decisions I should of a long time ago.

I am finally running out of excuses of why I stay with his man. I look at my life and think how did I get here? 

I hope you are well guys :) 

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