Thursday, 30 July 2015

How am i today?

Struggling through

My mood has lifted, but the anxiety has pushed threw.

I had to go to the chemist to get my prescription.. I left the house and it began.. 

I was walking along the road, my legs didn't even  feel they were part of my body. I felt a bit dizzy, had a dry month, for no explanation.. I had to keep stopping and calming myself down. 

My heart was racing and I was walking up a hill which made it worse.. Bear in mind it's only a five minute walk to my chemist, I came over so funny, it was horrible.. 

Will this stop me leaving the house again?, maybe for a few days.. Why?  I'll see how the anxiety goes while i'm at home because if I'm going to have it,  It will come indoors as well. It has took me 4 hours to completely calm down for that little journey. To gain control over the anxiety.. 

I don't fight anxiety i let it do what it needs to.. Of course I sit and tell myself not to be silly, but i wont fight against it. I believe it has to release for some reason. 

I did explain my holiday was stressful, now i have come home relaxed for bit, i have to release the stress.. 

I do think anxiety is a big build up of stress. I don't really know how to manage stress or release it,  Obviously I have read up on how to release stress, but does'nt work for me?  I don't know why, but having bath or drinking tea doesn't seem to cut it.. 

I have a lot of stress with four children, bipolar, social services, sometimes it all just to much..

I will say that social services did contact two days ago about a visit, she sent me a text.. Very professional isn't it? I simply explained you can't do anything for me, you manager hasn't contacted me, my health visitor has been trying to contact you, So I refused a visit. 

The next think is a family group conference.. Where they can see every little bit of support i have, and may realize I do not need them. That they are only casing me more stress..

Every time they seem to contact i get up in the air, They don't seem to understand that. So maybe that's playing a part at the moment. I don't know why but they seem to trigger me and I go a bit funny in my mind for couple days after they been in contact.. 

I'm they same with psychiatrists.. You are there, They ask couple of questions, questions they know that will long answers.. example!! How have you been feeling the last 6 weeks, what have your moods been like? You explain they just write it down and don'say anything, then comes another question..

I feel like when i leave there, i have just talked to a brick wall. So that gets me up in the air a bit, Its the lack of response you get from them.

So i managed to get my tablets today after them getting the prescription wrong again, may i add, What is it with doctors? 

Things are written in black and white in, front of them, on notes and they still get it wrong. I ended up waiting an hour and half in a chemist. For a phone call from a doctor, a prescription to be faxed.. 

They still didn't have all the tablets only one night worth, so I have to go again tomorrow. 

Things like that stress me out, I just haven't got the patience when I'm not feeling right.. 

So think all that just escalates  in my mind and causes all the feelings I get and the anxiety .

I was only leaving the house for 10 minutes which turned into nearly two hours.. I cant deal with that, It gets me wired.. I still haven't got the answer of why I get that wired when it comes to things like that,.It is just one of them things..

I would say given the last week or so, because i have changed medication. My mixed episode is starting to make an appearance again. 

Here are the signs of a mixed episode   

  • Mania with mixed features usually involves irritability, high energy, racing thoughts and speech, and over activity or agitation.
  • Depression during episodes with  mixed features  involves the same symptoms as in  "regular" depression, with feelings of sadness, loss of interest in activities, low energy, feelings of guilt and worthlessness, and thoughts of Suicide. 

Some people will think how can someone be depressed and high at the same time. But i have been there.. I'm crying my eyes out saying that i never felt so good about myself. Then there has been times i'm really happy, within couple of hours I'm crying and i don't know why. In mixed episodes my anxiety is really high..

My blog has been the over activity, i have been speaking with more pressured speech last couple days, i been tired but just working on this.. I have racing thoughts because i'm thinking about what i'm writing about next..  

I was in the chemist today and i came home and said to my partner "I'm buying a dog", it was another chihuahua.. I took her number but she isn't selling for another two weeks so hopefully my tablets will work before i get to that and buy him.. 

So yes my mind is a bit mixed at the moment.. Am i worried? No. Its not that bad at the moment that i need to worry and i have higher tablets as well.. I think its just starting to slip back through.. 

I do think my dog would love a friend though. :) 

My mum will read this post now, and be for god sake here we go, she will get another dog now.. or she will ring me and try to talk me out of it.. but she will know if I'm mind set i will and just do it and regret it after.. But what I do on manics I live with, i have to birds also that was a manic decision but i wont get rid of them : )

But I think my tablets will work before the lady is selling :) 

Thanks guys :) x



Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Having bad day today!

Don't my feel normal self today.

I am feeling bit low today, I cant figure out why, I just do.

You see a few days ago I said I felt stable, then bang feeling low again.. I wish these moods would just sort out.. I just want to live a normal bloody life.

I cant even be bothered to write to be honest, I'm doing to see if it helps. Also to show you how moods change. I do feel like crying and nothing has happened to even make me want to cry. Its so confusing this illness.

It makes me think, what the hell has happened to mind in two days to change like it has? 

The sun is shining, my children are happy playing in the garden, everything if fine.. 
So why? What has triggered me to feel low now? I know if I just ignore it and try to pull myself out it will just turn into a full blown episode, so I have to let it run its course..

I can easily sit there and go "For god sake Sarah pull yourself out of it" Put on on the smiles and laughter, but that will bite me in the ass. I don't think with bipolar you should suppress the feelings, else they will get worse.

I think its like that with every mental illness, you ignore it eventually it will come threw so much that you can't. Then you need more medication and therapy, in the long run.

I know we get down days, but with bipolar you never know if it's a start of something else..

I have been craving chocolate and I stated the other day that I felt strange, I was achy and I had a head ache.. The past couple of days, I have had pains that are unexplained. 

So I need to watch myself for next 5 days ( The five day rule) 

What am I going to try to do to avoid a depressive episode?

Well I have phoned the doctor and asked for my 300 mg slow release tablets, which will be ready tomorrow.. 

I am going to have a nice chilled night tonight with my partner, not working on my blog :)

I'm doing to get up in the morning do my make up and hair take my kids out for day. I have been recovering from my holiday so we haven't done much. 

Maybe that why I'm feeling a bit low I been stuck in for a week.

I got annoyed with my hair extensions and look them all out.. so I'm not feeling great about that either..( I hate my hair short)
You see I never think about after effects of things, I just get annoyed and act instantly then regret it lol..

You see what I mean about mind management, I will try anything before I result in asking for more medication, with an exception of today. I was meant to up my tablets two weeks ago but as explained I was giving the wrong one's.. 

I like to think I can help myself through this as well,  just for a little bit of control over myself. I hate to think that medication has complete control over controlling this illness. 
I believe you have to always help yourself as well.. 

That's why bipolar is a battle.. You consistently battling feelings, behaviors, etc. When your are feeling a bit low, you will battle yourself not get into a episode... 
That is hard work, but I think every mental is like that. You battle against the illness you have.

I try not to battle as stated I try to just let it run it course. Sometimes I can just be low for couple days and I have just seemed to snap out of it.  But even doing things to try to stop the depression going further is battling it.. 

It tiring and draining, when you feel like this. It give you headaches just because of the pressure you feel that you don't want to an episode, You tell yourself you have stop this before it turns into one.. 

The depression side is the one I can't handle, I don't feel strong enough to get out of it once I'm in it. They say that the mixed episodes are the worse but I handle them better than depression. With mixed episodes at least I feel high sometimes.. with depression it just dark and lonely.. 

I wont contact anyone when depressed, I will when in mixed episodes because the high.. I think the depression get worse when you don't talk to anyone.. so for me the depression rules the worst side of bipolar.. 

I hate the depression episodes so I'll work harder to avoid them  then any other episode.

Hopefully I'll wake up feeling a bit better tomorrow, a good sign is that I haven't had really bad anxiety. I had a little last night and controlled it. It made an appearance though, so I have to take that on board :( 

Is bipolar a disability?

Well reading my story what do you think?

I am currently receiving disability and my partner is a carer of me.. Was it as easy to get as some people out there think it is? No..

You need a lot of supporting evidence, You need to undergo a medical, which is near on impossible to pass. I had to go to a charity that was specialized in helping people who qualify for the benefit but have been refused.

I was turned down the first time..

I tell you why..

* I stated that I don't cook a meal for myself, my partner does, if he don't i don't eat.. People can put this down to laziness its not it just, you don't care if you eat or not.. I'm like that stable because of the amount of times I go without eating for days.. Its easy for me not to eat.

* I started that I live on takeaways if I'm depressed and don't really eat nutritious food. Which I don't.. I crave junk when depressed, my fridge be full of food but I wont eat it.. I'll order takeaway.

They stated in my medical I was of a medium build and in no way look malnourished..  Maybe I'm carrying weight because I have had four children in four years and one was a set twins that I only gave birth to 6 months previous.

* I stated that when I am depressed I stay in pj's all day wont get get dressed, wont take care of my hygiene very well.. I just don't bother, i wont even brush my hair.. Its not out of dirtiness, just you got so lack of self worth that you feel there is no point.

They started in my medical I was dressed for the occasion appropriate clothes for the weather, my clothes were clean, I was clean.. so they didn't award me for that.

So lets think here I am going out in public I'm going wear filthy clothes, and if I don't that means I don't suffer depression?

* I stated that I can't manage my medication which I couldn't, I had to have social services threaten me, before I started taking it.

They stated in my medical I had knowledge about my medication to this suggest she can cope with medication herself.

So because I have knowledge about what my medication does mean I can manage it?

My partner reminds me every night to take my medication, when I was doing it myself I kept forgetting if I actually took and panicked myself I took twice.

* I stated that I do not manage money well, which I don't I will gamble, waste money, etc when I'm on a manic.. I'll spend £200 pound and not batter an eyelid about it.

They said there was no evidence of this..

* I stated that I cannot communicate with people very well if depressed or manic.. Depressed I don't talk to anyone, I wont even answer my phone. Manic I talk so fast and keep going off subjects that people find it hard to talk to me..

I got scored on that one, because in the medical, I was a little bit manic.

* I stated I don't go anywhere alone, they said "but your here?"  I was with my my mum? They said but can go out if someone is with so you can lead a normal life?

What relying on people to come with me everywhere I go? That's leading a normal life?

* I stated that when I'm depressed I will bath but ill just sit in there not wash, just lay there.. Water seem to clear my mind..

They responded to that, as but you can get in and out of the bath.. I need promoting when i'm depressed to get dressed, go out., to wash, etc. but because I can use a bath I didn't get scored on it?

I understand that people out there try the benefit system and lie, just to get more money. Maybe that
why they have made the medical near on impossible to pass.

I see a psychiatrist and they are like gold dust, there aren't many around.. they are hard to get under, if i was mental OK there is no way id see one.

What do I conclude of this

If you turn up to a medical stinking, skinny with bones showing, pale and ill with lack of nutritionist dirty clothes, can totally not communicate, basically near on getting sectioned.. They will award..

Should it be like that? They understand what bipolar is they are medically trained in this, else they wouldn't be doing the medicals. so why do they make it so difficult? They know how hard it is to live with bipolar. why would they just want to add more stress.

Its not like we are going in saying that we have a bad back and blatantly haven't.

I understand that anyone can say there are bipolar. but you have to have medical evidence, so you cant lie?

It was so stressful trying to get personal independence payment.. I finally got awarded it because of the charity that helped me.. he went though the medical with a fine tooth pick and picked out everything they contradicted them self with..

I ended up getting the standard rate for my communication, over spending and my manics. I scored the lowest score to get it,

Another thing I think it goes on is the case worker you get, some are harder than others.. I believe they should all be the same.

I am not saying I'm going to be on disability for the rest of my life, I really don't want to be.. I have always worked and I enjoying working it just the issues I have work due to bipolar. maybe when its totally managed I'll be better in the work environment

Its trial and error in the first year or so of getting diagnosed.. I feel I'm getting use to my tablets already and they not working as well as they did. I have to up them this week anyway so maybe that will help. what happens if I do just get use to the medication they give me?

You see you never know when an episode is going to just appear that's part of bipolar. I would like to feel and be stable for a while before I even think about work..

I have had a hard 15 years and its nice just to feel better in yourself,, I don't want to rush myself and be back to square one, because I didn't give myself time

Can you understand that?

I don't like being on benefits when there are people out there working so hard and only just paying there way. Me and my partner have been there, it makes people frustrated at the people on benefits because they are paying for us to be.. I fully understand that.

I need to do this for my family though to get myself better, I need my partner home. medication doesn't cure everything its mind management as well, its also how stable of your life, my life is very stable with my partner being home. when he is working and I'm looking four children by myself I become unstable.

I know thinking some of you are thinking?

Why did you have four children?.. I got caught on the conception pill. I didn't plan another baby let alone 2.. but it happened and I don't get away with it lightly trust me four children is very hard work.. its a full time job in its self..

So what is my aim for the future, get myself better, to be able to cope with my children by myself, so my partner can return to work. Me maybe finding a low key job that I don't have to interact with many people. That's my aim, but its weather bipolar works with me to achieve that aim :)

Hope your all well guys :)

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

Sixth sense

Do we have a sixth sense?

Looking at my old posts, the medium/psychosis one was well received. I thought I'd write a small post on a related topic: the sixth sense.

We all know the feeling in our gut that says something(possibly bad) is about to happen. I believe this feeling, the sixth sense, is exaggerated in people who have BP; and often very accurate. As part of the illness, a small change in the external world can cause a catastrophe  in our heads. In the interest of survival, we *have* to stay focussed on our environment and observe it attentively. This leads to us being more aware of our sixth sense and of patterns that would be missed by most others.

I have had this happen to me several times in my life. I'll describe a few notable occasions...

Once, at a playgroup with my two children, I met this other mum who was carrying twins. She already had a nearly three year old and a one year old..
Something came over me and I suddenly had the strong feeling that was going to happen to me. At the time I thought I was being bloody silly; but surely enough, it did happen: My daughter was three when my twins were born and my son was one.

I have felt people staring at me and touching me and nobody was there.

I had a friend once, didn't know him all that long. He was into me but I didn't like him that way, because of which our friendship fizzled out.
One night, asleep in bed, I woke up suddenly to someone touching me. Someone was actually stroking my arm, but there was no one in my bed. I laid there in panic, hoping it was a dream. It wasn’t. All I heard in my head was my voice. It said with a giggle, ‘I told you I’d get you in bed one day!’. I jumped up turned the light on. Something strange happened. A dark light went to the light... Very scary.
A few weeks later my friend’s body was found. He had been dead for a while before they found him. The autopsy placed his time of death around the time I had the voice speak to me. He said to me many times when he was alive 'I’ll get in bed one day, Sarah. Trust me I will'.

My Nan had a stroke. She was in a nursing home for four months, before my family finally got her home. She was home all but two weeks. I remember the day I last saw her, it was Thursday. Something was different about her, she was actually out of her home hospital bed. She interacted with my children: something she hadn’t for the two weeks she had of been home. Her nails were purple, she wasn’t eating or drinking. I managed to get a few words out of her, the last words I would hear. I said, ‘Are you ok, Nan?’. ‘Yes’, she replied. ‘Have you had enough, Nan?’. She looked at me and said, ‘Yes, Sarah’. I knew that day was going to be the last time I saw her.

Around 10pm one night, I started feeling sick. Something wasn't right. I thought it was to do with my daughter: she had chicken pox and wasn't drinking. I thought something bad was going to happen to her because of this and tried to get her to drink water for a couple of hours. She wouldn't; so I had to force her. Her screaming was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was my brothers. Suddenly, things snapped into place in my head. They didn’t have to tell me.. Nan was dead; she died around 10pm that night.

While I was with a client in a previous job at a care home, a nurse was showing me veins that indicate someone is going to pass.. While drawing the lines of his veins, she informed me that the family would visit to say their goodbyes. She then had to leave the room to go get change of sheets etc..
The moment she left that room, the room went cold. I knew he was going to pass there and then. I went into panic(I hate thinking about this day; I was only 19 and it affected my whole life after that).
He held my hand and took his last breath. This experience really did mess my mind up for years. I left care because I couldn't do that job anymore after that. Returned after two weeks off that they granted me as it was my first death. The day I returned, someone had died and they sent me in to change them up to look peaceful for the family. That was the day I ever did care work. I loved the job i just couldn't handle that side of it.

The sixth sense told me he was going to pass within a couple of minutes. I'm glad I was there and he didn't die alone, but also wish it didn’t to me. I was to young and thought about death so much after that, that's where all my problems really began

I live quite strangely now. When my makeup used to go wrong when I was going out partying, something would always happen: I’d get arrested, in a fight etc. I never go out if makeup smudges. I believe it's away of telling something is going to go wrong if I do it..

I know it’s madness, but it’s true. It hasn't happened once; it’s happened lots times, so i stick to that..

Do I believe we have a sixth sense? Yes, given the things that have happened. I believe we might use more of our brain because of our condition and that might trigger the sixth sense.

Do you believe an overactive sixth sense is why people suffer bipolar maybe? A lot bipolar people will claim they have sixth sense. If we could channel it properly, would it take the bipolar away..?

Maybe these things happen for reason; maybe it’s our subconscious mind telling us open up. Maybe it’s just part of the medical condition and has no higher meaning. Something to think about, eh?

What do you think?   

Do you ever believe you have a six sense? I’d love to hear some stories that are similar to mine. I can't be the only one strange things have happened to lol.. so please share with us if you do have any..

Keep well and be good
Thanks guys

Monday, 27 July 2015

Are we crazy?

Are bipolar people crazy?


My view on this is still no.. Everyone in the world has done one crazy ass thing in their life time.. Maybe they won't be honest about it, but of course they have.. Life is there to be lived, so people will make mistakes here and there.. Even the ones that are classed as that 'normal' statement.. I can't stick that word 'normal' nobody is normal in this world.. We don't even know what normal is.. How do we not know we aren't normal and everyone else around is mentally ill.. We don't.. We are just told..

That's not crazy though,

Normal is also used to describe individual behavior that conforms to the most common behavior in society (known as conformity). Definitions of normality vary by person, time, place, and situation – it changes along with changing societal standards and norms.

Well, even the classed as normal can do some crazy ass things.. I believe jumping out of a plane is crazy.. The people on jack ass are just crazy, but these are classed as 'normal people'
So why are we any different.. Maybe we do so many crazy things in a small amount of time, but jack ass team does.. They don't carry a label of mental health because they like to go around hurting themselves to be famous and entertaining.. Would you class that normality 
Behavior? It's accepted though..

* Mood swings 

Everyone has mood swings.. Women do every month, they even say men have a hormonal every 6 weeks.. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't have mood swings.. I believe parents have mood swing because of their children driving them mad certain days.. We all can't be happy all of the time.. We all shout loses or temper, etc. that's part of life.. 

Ours fluctuates a bit more though, but have you ever heard someone shout (go off their head) than go in another room for two seconds then come back in fine as nothing happened? We do that on a regular basis, but the classed normal still do it.. 


I'll even explain this one..  OK, some people have serious psychosis, but I believe that it goes like that when doctors fail to diagnose and it gets worse over time.. Do the classed 'normal' get psychosis.. I'll give you an example..

You sat there and out of the corner of your eye you see someone walk past, you think it's someone in your household, you shout.. Then from upstairs comes the voice your calling, they are still upstairs.. So what did you see then you brush it off.. 
Ever sat there and.. Shouted 'yes' to people upstairs? They shout back "what"Oh, "I'm sure I heard you call me".. Again, you brush it off..
Ever just had that song going around and round in your mind you even hear the song in your head it drives you mad, you can't get it out.. 
You see this happens to even classed as 'normal' people..

So what does this make me conclude.. If these signs are bipolar signs, then everyone has a little bit of bipolar in them, so no we are far from crazy :) we have just experienced them a little bit more often then classed 'normal' person 

Thanks guys :) 

Sunday, 26 July 2015

A reminder..

Am i bipolar?

I have to remind people that I am not medically trained in mental health, to be able to tell you if you have bipolar or not..
By all means read my blog and use my behaviors, moods, etc. to see if you behave in a similar way.. If you feel you do, I can talk to you about it, if you real comfortable and give you advice on the next step.

Bipolar is very hard to diagnose look at all I went threw before I finally got diagnosed 15 years later. So I do have a good insight to the illness, but I can't diagnose you, unfortunately I wish I could lol..
That's the unfortunate thing about bipolar sufferers don't tend to get diagnosed unless there is a psychosis before this..

Psychosis is when you see, hear, smell and see things that aren't there..

Have I had psychosis?

Well, this is going to be a bit of a change in topic, but its related to bipolar, How do you feel about medium's?
That is something psychiatrist will link to psychosis, but is it? They will only link it to that because there is no proof and they wouldn't be very professional saying they believed in it would they?
They have no proof and there isn't any proof to say there isn't

Am I medium??

I don't practice this very often, but there has been times when I have.. Mainly under alcohol because then I'm not scared of it. But when in mania and your drink it tends to lead to higher mania, which can lead to psychosis. So sometimes I believe yeah, it's just psychosis.

What makes me think it's not? I don't hear voices its my own voice, things just pop into my head and I have to say them.. I see images that's I have to relay.. When I do it for people most things I say are true.. I can't work that out? I tell myself it's just silly, there is no way it could be true.. I believe back 3 months ago when I was a bit poorly my Nan gave me a message in my dream, I was on new medication but I was dreaming about her.. I remember thinking before I went to sleep I wish you my twins nan.. The message I believe she gave me was 'Sarah I have met your twins now its time to get up and go look after your children.. It was in my nans voice it was like I felt her touch, so very real.. I was napping at the time and my mum has my children because I was ill..

There are people that believe that bipolar is actually repressed physics..

Why I may agree?? My things started at 4 I had an imaginary friend (yes, I know a lot of people have them) this was different at first I called her my maid.. Then I met one of my distant cousins  and started calling her Jessica.. Why never found out why until after my nan died..

After my nan died, we were going threw her stuff and my brother at the time was in contact with a medium (a lot of my family went to mediums after my nan passed). . It was brought up about my imagery friend...

My nan lost her sister at the age of 3, which she has been placed by now. My mum and I lived with her for a while.. When I was 4. .My maid appeared.. I blamed her for things, talked to her all time.. I can't remember  these things, but my mum told me..

So any way we were going through some photos and we found my nans sister in one.. Do you know how she looked like? My distant cousin Jessica.. When me and mum moved out of my nans, I no longer talked about her..

The medium my brother was talking to said it was my nans sister, I was playing with and talking to her :)

Do I want to look further into this maybe I was thinking about going to a spiritual church.. They can normally tell you if you have the gift they believe in straight away.. So might, I might not lol..

If I do ill let you know, but I'm still quite scared of it. There are a few other things that had happened, but I don't want to make the post too long..

If you do want me to write more on this topic please comment.. I would like to know what you enjoy reading and what you don't.. I want to keep my followers happy..

Have you had any experiences like mine? Would you say its psychosis and maybe I had bipolar as a child and this was why I had had imagery friend?

Something to think about eh? Lol

Thank you guys

How to support someone with bipolar

How can i help someone with bipolar?

I don't think you can actually help them its not like depression.. The only thing that helps bipolar is medication, therapy and avoiding triggers.. Most of the things has to be managed by the actual sufferer

There are things you can do to support a sufferer..

Firstly, you have to educate yourself on bipolar and realize that every bipolar sufferer is different..

You are going to have to take time out to actually really get to know the sufferers triggers, signs of 
episodes coming we all have different ones..

I learnt when I got diagnosed everyone made a big issue about it, are you taking medication?, are you drinking?, you're not sleeping are you maniac? The questions are endless even in a little bit of change of my normal self.. This drives me insane.. It makes me angry..
So id advise you to do things discreetly.. Observe your suffers behavior instead of bombarding with questions.. As explained in posts before there is a five day rule if you see the sufferer changing in behavior more and more over five days its time to speak to them..

There is a way id advice that's as well.. Not so much direct questions like you're not sleeping are you maniac? Maybe says how come your not sleeping what are you thinking? What are working on? Do you feel you're working on all these projects a bit too much? Do you feel you have taken on too much at one time?

You see these questions are actually making the sufferer think for themselves instead of you actually telling them they are in an episode.. I find the direct question make me angry and ill shout, lose my temper and cut you off. Nothing is achieved with me by direct questions.. If anything I won't talk for days after that, so you are losing opening to support..

If they are still too ill to accept the fact they are in an episode its time to call the care team and explain your concerns.. Never do this behind a sufferer back explain why you are doing it.. You might get shouted it eat, but it will be better than doing it behind their back.. You will lose the trust of a sufferer by doing it that way,.

Let them talk is another bit of advice if they need to talk to you 15 times a day then do that's helping them.. But remember you also need a break from caring for someone with bipolar.. It can be a very mind draining, difficult thing to do, you need to work out a plan of action with the sufferer of what you're going to do when you need a break.. Who they turn to then..

Remember bipolar people are very strong and probably dealt with a lot longer then they been diagnosed for.. So give credit and keep reminding them of how well of a job they are doing by controlling their bipolar :)

Thanks guys :)

Animals and mental health

This is my dog Pammy she is 19 months old.. i named her after my Nan..

Do animals suffer mental health?

The answer is yes, dogs and cat suffer mental health like we do. The only difference is they can't tell us.. The common things in mental health for animals is,

* Separation anxiety,
Ever had a dog that when you come back from leaving the house, the house is trashed and your neighbors knock on the door to tell your dog has been howling the whole time you been gone?

You just think he is being naughty right, no these are classic signs of separation anxiety.. You can only but feel for the dog as most of us know what anxiety is like.

* Post-traumatic stress disorder
Yes, they believe dogs can suffer from this.. The symptoms are a lot like the separation anxiety but it will flow a traumatic advent like leaving their owners.. Another sign is out of the blue becoming aggressive

The symptoms are often the same as in humans, sleep and eating changes, going off food, lack of interest in the things they enjoy.. Becomes withdrawn and inactive..

*O.C.D a classic sign in dogs is  constantly chasing their tail and balls

Did you know that some animal physiologists believe cats and dogs show signs of having bipolar as well??

It's thought that bears sufferer seasonal effective disorder.

I thought my dog before I had Pammy was suffering mental health she use to have signs of separation anxiety, then all of a sudden turned into aggression at a smaller dog cause she escaped from the house and ended up biting an owner.. 

I was devastated that day we had to get rid of her.. The police dog warden took her to the kennels for treatment.. It was because the person my dog bite wanted her out of the area which I can't blame them, but I was heartbroken :( I had just had my son Logan he was three days old when it happened. I cried for weeks :(  thankfully she didn't have to be put down as she was only 18 months old and she really didn't intend to bite the owner, the owner picked the little dog up.. She had come from a home which bigger dogs use to attack her, she came to me with all scars over her face :( so maybe that was the reason for her behavior, I really do hope they helped and re homed her to a loving home :(

Have you had any experiences where you thought your animal was suffering mental health?

Saturday, 25 July 2015

Self harm

My views on self harm..

Well, I used to self harm before I had my children.. I have had a couple of breakdowns that led me to do it twice since my children, but I was suffering a significant amount of stress...

How can I explain what went through my mind that made me resort to that, oh this is a difficult one..

Ok, so I only use to self harm when I was in depressive episodes, they are very dark for me.. Nothing in this world seems to matter other than my children (as explained they are my reason to carry on)  as explained this happened more before my children so no nothing mattered... I think when you suffer depression for so long (mine can be up to six months, goes for a month back again) you just want it to stop and you don't know how to, or why you're depressed. You keep thinking its OK ill wake up and it will be gone soon and ill be my normal self.. I think you lose all track of time when you're depressed.. You just do your daily routine as a robot because you have to do them things.. As time goes on even them things are hard to do.. Like go to work, shopping, leaving the house act.. But what comes after that?

I believe yes its self harm...

I think I use to think maybe I could release all this depression by cutting myself.. It came from a lot of anger with myself of not feeling strong enough, to pull myself out of how I was feeling... I did it in anger at myself pure hate for myself... I didn't want to die, I just want to pull myself together and stop feeling as bad as I did.. I didn't talk about it, I just use to wear long sleeves and trousers to cover my legs and arms.. I felt it was embarrassing to lose that much self control to do something like that to yourself.. I used to pull my hair and hurt myself in a pure temper at myself.. I was my own worst enemy..

I have now realized it's not weakness, it is that quote its a sign you been strong for too long.. That's not weak, that's just breaking point and everyone has a breaking point..

I got found out about my harming, I did it when I was drunk and didn't care who seen them take hospital and I have seen a psychiatrist but still they put it down to depression.. I'll be honest, I didn't even know what bipolar was until the story line of Stacey in Eastenders came out about 5 years ago..

What would I say to self harmers?

I would say I know how hard it is to stop and that you shouldn't feel embarrassed.. I don't think most self harmers want to die, they just need help or a release..

My message would be... You have been strong for so long, now let someone help... There is nothing wrong in asking for help or being ashamed of it.. Everyone in this world has to ask for help at some point in their life, regardless of what it's for.. So stop trying to be so strong and give yourself a break and let someone else take some of that darkness from you..

I would like to know what you think about Lacey turners (Stacey Branning) in Eastenders acting on bipolar.. I know she has been acting a bit off at the moment and I believe another episode is coming..

Do you think she does well in interpreting a bipolar person?

Thanks guys :) 

Feeling strange

I'm feeling a bit strange today

I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm feeling a bit odd today..  I have been working hard on this blog so maybe that's why?

I just feel all mind boggle, my mind feels a bit fuzzy.. I also have a headache.. So because of these symptoms I'm having today ill put up about the first signs of an episode coming and triggers for bipolar episodes..

Please note before reading them that most of them are my signs not taking them from bipolar information websites.

First warning signs that I actually get

Before an actual depressive episode starts we actually get signs..

* Craving chocolate

* More headaches

* Struggling to wake up mornings

* Finding it hard to fall asleep

* Little negative thoughts starting

* Just generally feeling a little sad

* Little bit of less energy

* Unexplained aches and pains starting

*  Losing temper, irritable and agitation is showing

* Forgetfulness

A lot of search engines just put the symptoms of early warning signs the same as an episode, but there is warning signs before the actual full blow episode.. I have learnt them :)
If you have these symptoms for more than 5 days and you have been diagnosed bipolar you are advised to seek help from a care team :) If they suspect a depressive episode is coming they will treat it before it even happens.. So it's very good to be aware of first signs :)

Before manic/hypo-Manics happen they have warning signs as well.. You are also advised again to seek help from your care team

* Heightened smell or sight.. I explained in my other post you may see things clearer, smell things that no one else smells.. A lot like when you are pregnant for smells, for my mummy readers :)

* Feeling you need to sleep a lot less, not loads of increased energy just waking a earlier than you usually would

* Starting to spend a bit more money every day, being a bit more impulsive with spending. Not major spending spree

* Snacking a bit more in between meals, mainly just rubbish. Mine is carbs :)

* Thinking about starting projects not just one, a couple, not actually starting them, but thinking about the number of projects you're going to start and how

* Impatience starting to show, though, you get bothered by things you wouldn't normally

* Forgetfulness

The ones I have explained a bit more are actually symptoms of being in a manic/hypodermic or depressive episode

They are my first warning signs I now look out for :)


The main trigger for bipolar episodes is stress, but come on, how stressful is this world now a days there is no way you can avoid it, but being aware of triggers might help you think, oh that's a trigger I might see my care team and explained what happened just in case..
I think with bipolar its all about learning your unique ways and seeing the difference so you can prevent episodes.. Even people that know people that suffer, if they have the knowledge of this then they could help if that person that suffers why they doesn't see it.. You can get them help..

* Loss of job

* Bereavement

* Relationship breakdown

* Having a baby

* Alcohol and drugs

* A big change like moving house, ect.. I hate change and it tends to bring stress to me (even if a doctor changes an appointment I lose it lol)

* Sometimes just everyday life can be stressful, so if your feeling life is getting on top of you (Job, kids, ect) this can trigger

I had all of all but one of these last year, that's why I had a complete breakdown and that's why I got diagnosed, so it is helpful to know triggers and beware if they happen in your life or someone else's life that suffers :)

What are your triggers or first signs of episodes coming are they anything like mine? If you know anyone what are there signs or triggers.. Your comments are of a lot of value to me guys.. I would love people to share their views on bipolar.. Thank you to the two readers that have commented I will be replying like I will try to all comments :)

Thanks guys :)