Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Are we strong or weak?

Strength or weakness

Is mental illness, weakness or just too much strength? 

I'm quite split minded with this.. 

Sometimes I think it is just a weakness of not being able to pull yourself out of things. The only reason I feel this is I like to be able control my own mind, but when you suffer mental health that isn't always possible is it? Our mind thinks some crazy ass things. 

Sometimes I look at it as it's my mind why the can't I control the thoughts, I sometimes believe that I am weak because of this. Nobody likes the feeling of losing control over their own mind.. It's your mind you can should be able to control it. Right? Same way as you control when you move parts of your body? What is the difference, eh? 

In the next breath I feel no the mind is just a powerful thing that sometimes can just go hay-wall. As they say we only use 10% of the brain.. What happens if it that bipolar people use more of it? 

Maybe it is nothing to do with chemical imbalance maybe we just use more of our brain than the average person? Ever thought that? That's why we get so up and down? Too much for our brain to handle maybe? You have to be honest with yourself most bipolar people have gifts in some way or another? Mine is I have an excellent imagination. So I am hoping that my imagination will help get a book published :) .   

So if we use more of our brains than the normal person that strong right? Maybe the medication actually stops us using more of our brain. That's why we get forgetful, groggy feelings and just not with it sometimes. Something about. 

I also believe we are strong, we battle with our mind the most powerful thing and most of us always win in the end. Yeah, maybe we need medication to keep a balance, but we have to be strong to take that medication to stay well.. Expecting that you have a mental illness is hard, but we accept it and make ourselves better right? Come on, that's strong.. 

We still try to live a normal life, regardless of what our illness does to us, Fair enough we lose it sometimes, but everyone does. Even "classed normal people" We deal with a lot more of than the "classed normal person" 

Sometimes I look at people that are going threw a little bit of a rough it, or what they believe is a rough time and I think to myself you should try living in my head, you wouldn't last a week. 

Is that judgmental or just strength? Thinking oh my god, you fall apart after that? Really?  

Do you ever think like that.. I am talking about a person that gets depressed because a cat dies or something.. I'm not heartless, I love animals, but depressed over it? You seem to me, that's not a major thing? Again judgmental or am I just too strong because of my illness?  Does this illness make you just numb to things that the "classed normal people" would fall apart over. 

Sometimes I wish the "classed normal people" could live a week in our shoes, then maybe they would understand more. Yeah, you can read about bipolar and the symptoms, but they never really understand do they? 

The one that people say to me is " ring your care team, your emotionally draining me"  I just think what the ****, try being in my head then you will understand what emotionally drained actually is.. 

Like i stated I have had a relationship breakdown and because I'm talking to family quite a bit about it, they are emotionally drained? I thought that what people do when they break up with people, go to people for support? 

I am bipolar though, aren't I automatically have to ring my care team because it's not just hurt over a relationship breakdown it's my bipolar.  You see we have to be strong there also to hear what others have to say to you. In the last six months I am fed up with hearing my care team, My care team. It's as though I can't feel like a normal person, it's always my bipolar to everyone else. 

Overall though we are strong, way stronger than the average person and I fully believe that, As stated I think if the "classed normal person" had to deal with what we did" they would fall apart way quicker than us