Friday, 23 October 2015

ups and downs..



Well what a couple of months I have had.. 

I thought I'd update you all as I haven't posted in a while. I have had to up medication, and went threw a stage of not waiting any medication at all. This bipolar illness started getting the better of me. Anyone had that? I felt like just giving up on all the work I have put into my blog and just letting bipolar beat me.. I suppose over the years this many happen a lot. I have come to realize that we do actually need something to simulate our minds or we will just get poorly. As soon as I started admitting defeat I went more poorly. I got sick and tired of taking medication every night, I somehow I convinced myself there was no way I  had bipolar. Luckily I still kept taking my medication, but I thought how can I write a blog on something that I haven't got. I think I started getting poorly at the point I was more then happy for my partner to leave. I could do this by myself, bring up four children is  easy. MANIC.


I have been threw a few projects.. sewing, writing a book. so I must been a little it higher then I should be ha ha.. To me I wasn't poorly but least this manic when me and my partner sorted things didn't involve in major risk taking. I still stayed off the alcohol and it was more of a controlled manic expect I thought I didn't have bipolar and everyone was wrong.. 



I find that I can laugh at myself tho which is a good thing I suppose. I went from to thinking bipolar was beating me to me not having it all in 3 weeks.. 



So me and my partner has had a few ups and downs the last couple months but we are still here. I still don't think he can't understand fully what my bipolar is and cant handle it. He gets annoyed that I start all these things and never finish any,  but that's just going to be me isn't it.



I suppose that is a good thing about the blog I can always come back to it, and hope that my loyal readers understand the ups and down that bipolar brings. 



I also seen a shrink about two months ago that put me all up in the air. Borderline personality may be added to my diagnoses as well they think I have both. That didn't go down to well with me and I have been adjusting to that so sorry I haven't posted  



I also find with these shrinks that they always treat your manics before your depression anyone find that? You are feeling great and they want to shatter that? I find that silly, but I am one of the few people that likes my manics. A lot of people don't actually like them. During this manic I actually was quite constructive. I started paying my debts and started sorting out Christmas.. Seeing as I didn't think I had bipolar I just was just to busy in my mind to be able to write a post to be honest.. It was would just been rambling and jumping from one topic to another. 



I also now have to have a cpn visit me on weekly basis to try to keep me managed.. What a couple of months I been threw eh? 

But I hope my readers are happy I'm back and I'm now feeling well.. I really do hope you understand why I haven't posted 

Hope this finds you all well..


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