Sunday, 2 August 2015

Bad couple days :(

Not been good last couple days :( 

I am starting to get short tempered, impatient and just impossible. All I want to be is on my own :(
I have upped medication and I'm getting more tired because of this.

I have been out and about, been fishing with the children today. That was just bad from start to finish. Everywhere was closed so we couldn't get bait, walked somewhere else that was closed. I ended up just walking away and meeting my partner and children at the place we fish.

I walked away because I knew me and my partner would just end up arguing in the middle of the street. Well it wouldn't be him arguing it would be me shouting at him.

It does make me question..

Are we really that impossible?

I don't think we are the easiest to deal with. Nobody can do anything right when I'm "one of my ones" as people around me tend to call it. When I'm in one of these ones, its just best for everyone to leave me to it.. I need to be left to work out why the hell I'm being like it.  Most of the time I don't have the answers, but just the space normally helps me..

I don't think people understand to well that we cant control these outbursts of impatience, temper, etc.. It just comes . We don't like being like it, most of the time we can recognize it, but can't control it. When I'm in this, I can become quite controlling because of my impatience, no we aren't doing that, we are doing this, that takes to long so no. no you aren't doing that. That's what I come out with on a regular basis when I'm in this mood, I can also become quite manipulative towards my partner.

I'm not always like that but when I am, look out.. I'm quite a soft person which my partner can get his own way with a lot of the time.. If I'm in this mood no means no and don't go on.. My partner tends to deal with this state OK as he knows it passes. What he cant deal with is all the negativity, you get quite negative in these moods as well.

I don't think people understand the effect it has on us, there is being in a bad mood then there is this. The only way I can explain it is 10 times worse the PMS.. I feel like I have walk away from people a lot else say something that they really won't like. Its not nice having control over your irritability. I just wanted a nice chilled day with my children, but everything went wrong.. The more it went wrong the more my mind was getting done in.

Everyone feels like they are walking on egg shells when I'm in a mood like this

I'm home now and I'm fine. My mood has completely shifted.. I look back on today and think why, but its just one of them things.

So given the way I can behave, I think yeah I am impossible at times.. I find when I'm in this mood my children's whining just really gets to me. I feel like my head is just going to explode, I need walk away from it.

The thing I find the hardest is there is no reason for it. I'm taking my medication, doing everything that's asked of me and I'm still getting these moods swing, because that's what they are mood swings. I have to be fair to myself, I haven't had many since I been on this medication. I also find they don't last as long as they would if  I wasn't on it.

I believe the mood swings a lot to do with anxiety as well, I didn't feel right again when left the house, but I try not to let it control me.. I think when you don't feel right you get short tempered and irritable..  Like when your ill and people just don't leave you alone, its a lot like that.

I feel like my partner doesn't understand what anxiety can do to you, he just says "you will be fine in a min, eat something" That gets me wound up, really wound up.. My anxiety then gets worse and my mood becomes worse.

Today has been a bit of a roller coaster regarding my mood, but I'll probably be different tomorrow.

The anxiety is just getting better of me at the moment. I keep thinking its not anxiety and something is wrong with me. I didn't feel anxious when i left the house, its just I go dizzy when walking and that makes my anxiety.

This has happened ever since I been on this medication.. Just now and again ill walk somewhere and feel dizzy.  Maybe because I upped it, its becoming a little worse for the moment. Its not nice to live with tho. I actually feel like I'm going to faint.. I'm not all that concerned as it is a side effect and a common one.. It's just my anxiety is concerned lol.

If you been on seroquel and had these side effects I'd love to hear from you :) Just so I know it's not just me :)

Thanks guys
Keep well :)

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