Went a little down hill..
I haven't carried on with my blog, but I'm back.
As explained in my last post I was really suffering with my medication and it got worse, I ended up cutting my medication right down and got some nasty withdraws.
One was major depression. I was just in bed most of the time and my partner was looking after my children for a good 3 weeks.
I lost all my appetite, cried all the time, was going dizzy and feeling and being sick. Really, all just from cut down on medication that I only been taking 4 months?
Yes. I'm starting to think I won't ever be able to come off this medication if it makes me that bad. .
I went thru a rough time. I went to see doctors 4 times and a psychiatrist once they wouldn't change my medication just added to them again.
I finally got a psychiatrist to listen to me :) yeah :)
He told my doctor to prescribe me the XL quetiapine. This is a slower release over 24 hours instead of hitting me with the full dose within an hour of taking it.
This was what was causing me the bad side effects.
The thing that annoyed me about this is I asked the doctor for them he was like. “Sarah I want you to be very careful with this medication, 30 tables cost the government £120 pounds and I'm not really happy about giving them” So they only reason I wasn't prescribed these in the first place was because of the cost
They were prepared for me to lose my life even more than Bipolar because of the cost?
That's really reassuring about treatment isn't it?
They look like they will just do cheaper options in the hope that it works and not change it until they put a patient threw hell? What is the logic in that I had to be prescribed many more tablets on top to counteract the side effects of one tablet but by changing it all stopped?
Surely they must be spending more giving me 8 different tablets a day..
How are these tablets going? They have no side effects like the others, they just make me feel a bit drunk when wake up and make it a bit hard to wake up. That's it.
I'm still not on the dosage I'm meant to be because again my doctor was sly.
I had to go up in dose over time that I felt comfortable, so two weeks ago I asked for the 100 mg to add to my 200mg. He gave me the fast release one’s again. I didn't realize until the side effects returned after 4 days. Looked at the box and realized so took myself back off them..
Here is the good news about this medication I actually went on Holiday :) I got back from Butlins yesterday :) we went for a week me my partner and my children. Without that medically there is no way I would of went :) I haven't been on holiday for 4 years I didn't even have a drink up there not even a glass of wine :)
It was a nice break a little stressful at times as it isn't a holiday really for adults with children is it? People with children will understand that :) I have had a bit of an uproar in my sleeping so feel a little bit down, but with the rest I know that will go :) I just have to get back into routine :)
Update on social services I have made a complaint.
My social worker come to my house and called it messy. I had some wipes on my mantelpiece, the dishes were on the drainer and a pile of clean folded washing on the stairs? Ready to be put away when I next needed to go up messy??
What the fuck? She asked me if there was anything they could help me with.. So I thought, OK, we will see what I can get here seeing as they offering. I asked for help with driving lessons for my partner and a car. Stated my kids get out more, nope, they can't do that,
I asked for them to write a supporting letter to try to get my house converted into a 3 bedroom, nope can't do that..
Makes me laugh. They there for support and helping me, but where is the help.
I’ll tell you. Me going to a children's center is their way of helping?
So I wrote a lovely letter to the manager about all this and advised her a bit about bipolar sufferers as they aren't educated in this whatsoever? So how is that helping me?
This is what I advised her.
1. I am meant to go meeting every two months with many professional involved.. We all have different views regarding my situation this causes it to be a heated discussion.. Bipolar people need to avoid that..
2. Social worker calling my house messy. It's a negative. That will play on my mind for days and keep me awake running threw my head. Can cause manic or depression because my sleep will be affected and causes stress.
3. They keep asking me to go children center. I make friends easily, but don't keep them easy. So that's pointless as I’ll make new friends, then they will distance themselves in time, with no explanation when they don't understand me.. This could lead to depression.
So no they are not helping me in my opinion yours may be different. I have my support for my family and my friends. I don't need them trying to make me do things I don't need to do. I have a label, though don't I :)
Well, that's pretty much all that has happened guys..
I’m going to be booking another holiday for the end of next month as my daughter goes school this year :) I'm in a pretty good place at the moment, and feeling I'm learning my bipolar more and more.
I'm so glad my medication is now right. I hope I don't have another episode like I did a month ago.
Now I have updated you, next blog, I think I'll talk a bit about my up and down relationship with a partner because of bipolar
Until next time
Keep well guys
Thanks for reading :)