Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Can I ask some advice off of my readers

I am going to ask some advice from my readers

As you know if you have read my blog, my nan passed back last year. The only problem was I had so much going on with my life at the time I had to look after myself. I unfortunately had to suppress the grief. I was carrying my twins, I couldn’t afford to get depressed or go through the stages of grief. So pretty much ignored the fact she had passed.

I was very close to my nan, I lived with her most of my life. I didn’t actually move out until I was carrying my first child at 25. 

The problem is since, I have had my twins and everything has pretty much settled down. I have obviously had more time to think. I understand the grief process, but when does it become something more guys? I’m not talking about depression. I am talking about post traumatic stress.  You see, at first, I just thought, yes I am going to think about my nan everyday, yes, I’m going to keep thinking about the last time I saw her. 

This now though, is carrying on and getting worse. I dream about the last time I saw her all the time. I keep thinking about her last words that she said to my mum. I used to look out of the window in the evenings not long after she passed. I can’t do that anymore, I actually get scared too  and don’t know why. If I can see a little bit of the sky at night from my bed, I get out and adjust the curtains. 

Like I said, I only starting to actually dealing with the fact she past about nine months ago. I feel it driving me a little insane now with the thoughts all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I love thinking of my nan everyday, but I just wish it wasn’t around the time she died all the time. I wish I could just think about good memories. All I can explain it as its intrusive thoughts I don't even want to think them. 

I know what my nan said as her last words, I know what my nan's last words to me, but why am I  re-living it every day. I do think it may be a bit of post traumatic stress. 

What do you think guys? I would love your help on this one as I don’t ever think I have had anything like this before. Any tips you might have to help me deal with it, will also be very grateful. There will be times I am also going to have to ask advice from you, I hope you don’t mind

Hope you guys are well
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