Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Medication and care

Managing life with bipolar

OK, so yesterday I said ill start writing about the care I receive, medication and everyday life..

I see a psychiatrist every six weeks..

 I'm on quetiapine meant to be 600 mg a day, but can only do 400mg, the side effects are so bad.

 These include, rapid heart rate, anxiety, this all scares me. The only good things are it,

Keeps my mind stable
No racing thoughts
I sleep well                                                                                          
.I’m on zopiclone 7.5mg for sleeping as well.

 I went to my psychiatrist 9 weeks ago who said I was in a mixed episode. Manic one minute depressed the next.

 I visited the doctors last week and said about the anxiety. I wanted to come off them as I said to my psychiatrist, they didn't listen..

They put me on beater blockers so another tablet added to the list. Really, is this going to be my life now just keep giving out medication? Today was a bad day because of this.
I was in tears because of more medication caused me anxiety. I don't like taking tablets because of anxiety and they give me more?

So you're thinking, well if it's going to help why worry about taking it. I wish I could. I wish I could just shut my mind off and just take them. I do it then it gives me anxiety for hours later.

Do doctors not care about what these tablets do for you? Is it more important to get your bipolar under control and ruin your everyday life to do it?
Where is that saying that aside, some medication works for some but not others? That is not being used here. Or do they think that I'm that mental I make all these symptoms up?

I'm that silly, that even the word anxiety gives me anxiety. You have to laugh haven't you. But this is a real and not nice symptom for anyone.

 Has anyone else felt like they haven't listened to? That you just have a label (oh that word) and you just do what these people say?

So ill get to label as I just brought it up.
So I know carry this with me, I'm bipolar. Why is it such a big thing? It’s no different then I have diabetes, is it? It's an illness?
I have social services involved now because of that famous label when they have always said 'a very good mum. But now I am holding this status all of a sudden they need to be here?

 Why, because I have an illness? Some days I think, should I even of got this diagnosis.

Am I really bipolar?? What if I'm not and this medication is just going to harm me because of it?

When I think rationally about it, I suppose I know the medication is helping. I have been out by myself a lot since taking it and L haven't that much unless drunk in 5 years. I have given up drinking and don't want to drink, so they are helping.

Everyday life with bipolar for me at the moment is a challenge. I have four children. A medication that makes you want to sleep, anxiety through the roof.

 I do think sometimes my old life seems better, but then I think I have forgotten for a min what that was like,

 Because I have been taking over medication and anything seems better than this.  I think one symptom of my bipolar that crossed into my personality is positive and negative, it can change all the time.

 I'm generally a negative person I think bipolar people are. My motto is expect the worst and anything else a bonus.

 Is that just me??.
Well, it can't be because the saying is there. Oh, I  just asked a question in my head and answered myself. First degree mental eh :)

I think there are good things about being bipolar.

 So ill name a few..

 I think we are funny people. My family and friends say I'm really funny. When they are sitting there and I'm joking about someone they laugh, but in their head they think I hope its not me next :)

 I think we have a good trait of honesty. Some people like a very honest person.

 I think we have a good judge of character, I don't know why but we seem to.
We see through people, maybe because we can be so many people ourselves.

I wanted to bring up the positives because it's good to make a negative into a positive no matter how hard it might seem. I struggle with that, but I like to think I can do it.

Overall at the moment I know I need the 600 mg quetiapine because I am still in a bit of mixed place, but it's a lot better than 9 weeks ago.

 If there is anyone living with someone with bipolar and would just like to speak then please do.
I'm doing this as a bipolar person myself and I’d like to think in years to come, I’ll be managed and have minimal medication. Then mine can become a success story in the end.

Until next time. Keep well guys

No comments: