Thursday, 6 August 2015

My personality

Bad feed back.

I'm going to be very honest with you. your ideas of why people have this thing they label as bipolar are not because of the the month they were born. They are not because they like a certain color. People had real crap happen to them. It seems as if your here for all the wrong reasons. Almost like you are making fun of people and things they have been through. I'm going to make sure your read what I wrote then I am blocking you. I am also going to message an admin because I don't want to read your stupid blog. I don't recommend anyone else to read it.

I had this message sent to me today and I just wanted to make sure people, don't think I am trying to make fun of this illness.

That's the only part that bothered me about this message, I would never make fun of an illness like this. 

I valued this persons opinion, everyone has a right to an opinion.

I was just understanding the color purple a bit as it was my favorite color. 

I understand I will get bad feed back, but not that I'm making fun of an illness, so I just wanted to reassure people that's really not what I am doing. In-case anyone else thought that 

With that out of the way.. Lets continue..

My personality 

I class myself as a yo-yo, up, down. Sometimes I stay down longer, then others, and sometimes I'll spin out of control. 

What are my traits though?

* I am quite an all over the place person

my moods can change within hours with no explanation or control. I could be fine, laughing, joking. Next bang don't even talk to me. 

That's one of the hardest parts of this illness I find, because there is no explanation to it at all. It's just like a switch in your mind that turns on and off when ever it likes. It's not even triggered. 

They talk so much about how hard it is living., or caring for someone with bipolar, but they don't seem to know what its like for us. 

Do they think it's easy for us to be changing moods all the time?, When you can't even explain why? It's like they think we can deal with it, because it happens so often. 

Well no I'll tell you, I hate mood swings, they affect everything in your life and you can't stop it. It's like you become a different person. 

I'll give you an example.. 

I'll be speaking to my partner fine then bang, I'm losing my rag, over the silliest things. I know I'm doing it but I can't stop it. I want to but I can't.

* I dwell on things

negative things. That message today will play on mind now, for couple days. It will just round and round.. I'll try not to think about it, but I will. I can't stop it. 

The amount of times my partner has tried to get me to watch horror films is unreal. I can't because I'll dwell on it and scare myself something stupid. It's like my mind convinces it's self that gong to happen. 

* I over think 

I constantly think, I think my mind even has enough of the amount of things I think about in day. They aren't even relevant to anything.  I tried meditation and that was an epic fail, I was thinking about not thinking. I can't do it. 

If anyone has some tips on that one, I'd love to hear, it would be lovely just to be able to shut my mind up whenever I feel like it. 

* I'm bubbly

I am a very upbeat person, I have lost some of that over past couple years. (I'm a mummy now)I use to be the first in the sea, the first to do a dare, etc. I have a very, I don't care attitude to things like that. If I'm having fun I don't care what people think of me. I would dance in the street with my kids, in the rain and not care, I would encourage people :) 
People say I'm a fun person that's what they like about me. I'll try anything once :) 

* I'm very soft

I'll do anything for anyone, even if they wouldn't do it for me. I always try to help people.. I get used a lot for this, but its just my nature. I don't seem to learn from it, I just can't turn people away. 

* I'm stubborn

It takes a lot to upset me, but once you do, I wont budge. I would spite my face to spite my nose. I like to think I have very good moral and if someone don't respect my morals like I do theirs. Then I haven't got the time for them, Unless they are in need. Then I tend to forget. 

I have always tended to attract the wrong type of people because of some of my traits. I always think I can save people, but I only ever needed saving myself I suppose. 

I did save my partner, He was bad into drugs when I met him, he has completely different life now. He has to deal with me though, lol.

I sometimes think my partner is bi-polar, I have always attracted people that are like me. They have always had some type of issue. 

Can two bipolar people work? 

If I go on my relationship, Then maybe. I know my partner does have some underlining issues, but he won't act upon them. He probably understands me more then anyone else because he suffers sometimes to.

I think to be in a relationship with someone that has bipolar, you have to understand to a certain degree. My partner's mum is bipolar ( on more serious level then me ) So he does understand a lot more. 

I believe it would be a very rocky relationship (mine is ) I have always had rocky relationships, but this one seems to last, through anything that life throws at us. 

The down side is, that it is always a battle and fighting to stay together. Maybe that keeps it fresh though, we always fight to save our relationship, because we have to. This only can make it stronger, or completely drain you that you have to walk away. 

In the 7 years I have known my partner, we had to fight from day one. 

Some people may think, why the hell would you stay if its a constant battle? 

I believe we have a very good understanding of each other because of this. We know boundaries, we know how to help each other. I believe we have a relationship on a completely different then the normal relationship. We have had to fight more then the average relationship, I believe that only makes your love stronger.

The only time we go really wrong is when we are both ill at the same time. If my partner is depressed and so am I, it goes really bad. He will leave and then my depression goes worse, we are currently working on this issue though and it seem to be working. 

So I do think two people with mental health can work, but you have to be prepared to fight for it..  You both have to love each other the same amount. They say that there is always one that loves one more, I don't believe that. Not with my relationship we both love each other equally, in different ways but equally. 

That's what makes us work :) 

Do you find you have similar traits to me, or you attract people like yourself? 

Or are you in a relationship, were you both have mental health issues? 

It would be good to hear from you :) 

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