Wednesday, 22 July 2015

My relationship

Does bipolar really affect a relationship?

The answer to this is most definitely on my experiences. As stated before, I have been with my partner on and off for 7 years. The on and off is a big clue to how rocky my relationship can be..

Why? I believe it’s because of bipolar moods, behaviors and just straight out dam craziness :)

My partner is a very laid back person, I think you need that when you have a bipolar partner, he just takes life as it comes. He is a very forgiving person, which unfortunately because of my mental health he has to be.

I can do some crazy things that most people wouldn't put up with. So I do really do have to thank him for that..

How my relationship starts getting affected is pretty much when I'm starting to slip into an episode. I have only been medicated 6 months, so this use to happen often.

How Manics affects a relationship so I believe…

 I will get into my head, I’m too good looking for my partner and I deserve better, I can get better. I'm bored of this relationship, I need more excitement in my life instead of the same old boring routine.
I believe that all of a sudden bringing up four children by myself will be easy, even though I know it’s not. I can do this. I have the utmost confidence in myself that I can meet someone else that will give me the excitement I need.

 I know when I’m better this isn't true, if I look at it as reality who would take on 4 children under 5 with someone with bipolar? I am really not going to have much excitement am I? I'm going to be stuck at home bringing up my children by myself. All this on a manic goes out the window. I can do it, and I will. So I ask him to leave.  Then 3-4 weeks later I'm like what have I done, and come back to reality and depression kicks in.

Another thing is gambling, there has been times I have sat there and gambled the whole of my partners wages. At midnight on the day he gets paid by morning it will be gone. That is a hard thing for him to deal with, but he accepted it after a few days and just moves on from it. How I really don't know I would go mad if someone did that to me, but no he gets in little moods then forgets..

Drinking was a big thing, there were times I'd snuck out in the night, go out on my own, come back with strangers (mainly men) to carry a party on till my children woke up.
My partner didn't take this very well but always had a go and just again moved on  from it.

My partner has had to have my arrested a couple times for violence when drinking before I had my children as well. He explained it was a horrible thing to do to someone he loves, but he had no other choices. Once I get angry when drinking there is no calming me down

 Sex my partner likes maniac as my sex drives does increase a lot and I'm more into trying new things (things I have done, but not with him) 'the only side of the manic he likes. Why I can't be like that all the time I don't know it is just in Manics.

Depression How I think this affects a relationship.. I will have no energy at all when I'm really depressed, I will look after my children's basic needs but not go out, do things with my children, I won't even get dressed for days on end.
He pretty much does a lot for me when I'm in this state, with nothing in return.

He does care for me on a daily basis as I won't eat much, even when I’m in what they class as a normal state. I think because over the years I never really did eat loads I can just go without food and forget to eat.

This can get too much for him and when he has reached that point he will leave. Just to have a break and recharge. This is normally from 1 night up to a week. But if I get a stubborn head on and carry on the argument and stay bitter (which I will most times) it will be a 3 weeks and more.
This does have an impact on my mental health and a big one, but he needs a break right?

Sex. When I'm depressed my sex drive goes to nothing, this frustrates my partner a lot, even though he does understand he can't help but feeling sorry for himself as he isn't getting any. I think that's just a man thing. We can argue over this a lot..

SO yes with people with bipolar, relationships are affected even friendships to be fair.. But I’ll come back to about meeting new people etc. later.

My next post will be about my children and weather I think it affects them?

 I hope you're all well

Thanks for reading :)

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