My partner

My partners out look on bipolar

My partner name is Jamie. He took some time out with me to explain what it’s like being in a relationship with a bipolar suffer.

I suppose it was him who helped me get diagnosed. Something made me look it up. I read it all to him and he said there isn’t one thing there you aren’t.

I suppose I took that quite hard at first, because if you are honest the way they write symptoms of bipolar isn’t most positive is it?

The one thing they do write that tends to bother me is the percentage in which bipolar sufferers commit suicide because of this illness. Yes i know it’s a very serious mental illness but do they really need to write that?

That’s massive. Most people that look bipolar up either think they suffer, they do suffer or they know someone who suffers.

I understand the awareness point of view, but I think that worries people sick. Every time a bipolar sufferer goes into an episode, everyone around them may think that? Do people really need to have that added on top?

That's one thing about bipolar that bothers my partner now, he is always on edge when I get ill, because of reading that.

I mentioned I took the symptoms of bipolar quite hard but this how Jamie perceived that to me to make me feel better

I will name a couple;

• Eggshells

He explains living with someone that sufferers bipolar as, you are walking on eggshells, a lot of the time.

You never know if something you say will be wrong and change that person's mood in an instant.

He finds that part difficult. He explains it as one day he could say something to me, the next day the similar kind of thing could be said and I react completely different to it.

He feels he has to think about it more before he speaks Then you would to the “classed normal” person.

• Unpredictable

My partner explains this as even from the moment I wake up he never knows what mood i’m going to be. It's not until I say my first sentence, he know what kind of day he could be in for.

I am definitely not a morning person and I can shout over simple things, Jamie normally says “ Go back to bed ”.

He says

“ If you are left alone for a good half hour after you wake, you am more settled in my moods throughout the day. If not you can be in a mood for half a day easy, Over someone just talking to you ”.

Jamie says I do unpredictable things and act on impulse a lot of the time, which can make life a bit chaotic. I could wake up and just say we are going out, no planning nothing just leave the house. With four children under 5, he believes you need to plan.

I never really plan anything, my actions are a lot on impulse. If I do plan things my mind could change next day, so I tend not to bother.

• Impulsive.

He explains that I can live so much on impulse and never think of the consequence after. What he means is like when I think I don’t need him when I’m manic. When I ask him to leave, Then come back. He says I don’t think far ahead of a couple days later when I want him to come home.

He says

“ That bothers me because I am just expected to come home there and then regardless of what you have done ”.

I can understand his point here completely but I’m not very well when I do this so no I don’t think about consequences.

• Several different people

Jamie explains this one as a positive. He likes the fact I’m several different people. He never gets bored of our relationship because of this. He finds it keeps it fresh.

He says

“I dont just have a relationship with one girl I have 6. If I takes a little bit from each person, I have the perfect girlfriend”.

• Living on the edge

Jamie says he likes this part to me also. I can be very fun, just straight out silly.

He says

“ It keeps our relationship exciting as well as our lives ”.Not even the unpredictable and impulsiveness is all bad .

He likes some of it. Like when I just go buy him something for nothing (the last was an i pad). When I’ll book a holiday and leave within a couple of days.

He says there are quite a few positive things about being in a relationship with a bipolar sufferer but there are also bad.

• Depression

Jamie doesn’t like the depression side of things, this is where he notices the most that I’m not my usual self.

He says

“ It’s not the way you behave it’s the fact I can see you low and I can’t really help you. I don’t know how to ”.

• Manics

Jamie doesn’t like the risky behaviour in this episode, he feels for my safety. He forgives my behaviour, but struggles with the worry

He mentions again about the not thinking of the consequences.

He says

“ Other than the them couple of negatives, Its really not that bad, if you can take time out, to get to know the bipolar sufferer. I disregarded all the episodes because I know they aren’t sarah, it’s just her illness”

She is a very kind hearted person. I have to do things for her and make sure she looks after herself, but that’s what love is. You just have to take the positives, with the negatives like you do in any relationships. Nobody is perfect. Sarah has to deal with negatives from me also”

So there you go guys that’s my partner’s outlook on loving someone with bipolar. Hope you enjoyed the read.

Please continue to comment, if you feel strongly about any topic. As you can see I always reply to them, I will continue to do so. A big shout out to my returning readers, you are the reason I keep posting, so thank you. A thank you to all my new readers too.

I hope you are all enjoying my blog

understanding

People don’t understand me

I hear this a lot from fellow bipolar sufferers, I use to think like this but then I realized something..

We never really understand anyone do we? Yeah there are bit’s and pieces we understand, but not everything.

My partner still does things now, and I think why the hell do you do that?.. he never ceases to amaze me..

If we all understood each other the world would be a pretty boring place eh? We would all be the same.

We have our friends that understand bit’s about us, family a little bit more, then partner’s maybe more than that. We will never be fully understood. No one is.

My outlook on things have come from years of suffering bipolar and never really knew what was wrong with me. Yes i jelled with some people but more often than not, I didn’t.

Since my diagnoses I realize that I even don’t understand my family sometimes in what they do. In Return they don’t understand me.

I wouldn’t like to be fully understood either, I like a good debate now and again. If I was fully understood there would be no debate would there?. I couldn’t even deal with someone understanding me all the time, I think that would frustrate me. I would end up saying “ Would you speak for yourself and just bloody argue the difference with me”

If someone understood you all the time they would just says yes constantly, No thanks, that's not for me. I would rather not be understood lol.

You see I’m quite controversial, I love having a point of view that different from others :)  I love having back up for that point of view as well.  

You see even opinions are not even understood sometimes. I think why the hell does she think like that?  That a bloody weird way of looking at something. lol

What does it matter if people are different, act different, behave different. The truth of it is, we are all different anyway.

We are unique that’s what I love calling myself. :) I’d rather be unique then just a plain Jane :)

I can see why people say this though. Like when you're depressed and you feel like nobody understands, The realism of it is they probably do, but they don’t know what to say.

Do we ever really know what to say when people are ill? I know I don’t.

We emphasize with them and say get well soon. Do we understand how they feel? Of course we don’t we aren’t them. Illness affect people differently the same as mental health.  So all people can do is emphasize and listen.  

Yes people may say things that you don’t like. Your losing the plot, is one I hear regularly. I came to realize whether people understand or not, that’s not going to make me better, only I am.

Yes I find it can be a very lonely place when nobody understands you, but there are so many of us that has bipolar there is lots of support.

How can you expect someone that hasn’t got bipolar to understand? That’s like saying to someone “oh you know what all the side affects feels like to diabetes don’t you? even though you haven’t got diabetes. You can’t can you.

You can only but try to understand I’m afraid.  If someone came to me with an mental illness like o.c.d, I wouldn’t understand. I know what it is, but I don’t understand them. I would probably say something stupid like just stop washing your hands, what so hard about that? See because I don’t understand and that to me is easy? To them it’s not.

What we suffer may seem easy to other people because they never had it, remember that :)

They don’t battle with it all the time and have to find coping strategies, we do :)

I have wrote this blog to help people try to understand bipolar more, but that’s a hard thing to do when you never suffered anything like it.

So I believe when you sit there and think nobody understand me, you shouldn’t look at it as negative. you should think well maybe they are finding it hard to understand, why I am doing these things. Maybe even trying to find ways to make them understand better.

I know it hurts or friends and our loves ones, and sometimes they don’t know what to do to help you. This can lead to them thinking in the last resort and this may upset you. It’s only because they care though

Please remember that not everyone is understood it’s what makes us all unique

Instead of beating yourself up. Think of it maybe in similar ways to that :)

Does bipolar affect the way we bring our children up?

Does bipolar affect the way we bring up are children?

I find, I differ with the discipline with my children.

• I when I’m depressed, I pretty much let them have anything they ask.

• When I am stable, I’m quite authoritative and bring them up the correct way, I believe they should be.

• When I’m manic, I go in between, give in to them and be authoritative.

How can I be the complete same, if my moods shift as much as they do. I do believe I’m the most authoritative in my house. Some people think I’m too hard on my children in general. I wouldn’t say I was though they just have discipline, a thing every child needs.

I believe children thrive on routine and discipline, routine and discipline is with us all our lives. Even as adults we have rules and routine. So children need this.

I’m the type of person, that if my child behaves bad in public, I will tell them off in public. I find everyone looks at you and judges you.  I look at it, if my child was a teenager causing uproar, they would soon blame me then for no discipline as a child. They always blame the parents.

I’m not going to wait to tell my child off until we get home, 9 times out of 10 the child has forgotten by then. So they don’t even know why they being disciplined.  

I think we have it hard these days as parents, there is to many different ways, opinions, you can’t do this, you can’t do that.

If children hurt themselves or are ill these days, parents are terrified to take them hospital, You take them more than 3 times in a year, you are investigated. Children are children and they hurt themselves, they get ill. Being a parent is hard enough without all rules they apply to us on top.

Not every parent is going to bring their child up the same, but they are trying to drum it into us, this is the way you do.

#Well no, I’m afraid I don’t follow the ways they say. What may work for one child may not work for another, do they not realize this?

Every child is an individual, they are the same as us. They respond to different things at different times. You can’t have a text book baby or child.

I don’t like people telling me how to bring up my children. I welcome advice by all means, but that’s exactly what it is advice, you don’t have to follow it.

As long as a child isn’t seriously hurt, emotionally abused, neglected, why does it matter how we choose to discipline our children?.

I find you are damned if you do in this world and damned if you don’t.  You take them hospital as a concerned parent, you are judged. You don’t because the amount of times they make you feel silly, they judge you for that.

It's like that with a lot things regarding being a parent. I think the professionals affect they way we bring our children up more so, than the actual parents.

Yes, I have stated that my moods change which does affect my children, because I feel they don’t always know where they are at with me. Having said that they don’t know me any different do they?.

I feel sometimes I am too soft because I just want them to behave, But I feel all parents are guilty of this.

I feel sometimes I can be a little too hard on them, but children can push you to limits you didn’t even think you could feel. lol.

#I feel because of my bipolar, I aim highly into my children being brought up the correct way. The old fashioned way, The respect, The do as your told instantly, good morals etc.

I work hard to achieve that.  

I don’t believe this is a bad thing. I think it’s a positive thing.

If I say something to my children that will happen, I stick to what I say.

I believe being bipolar maybe a positive on some degree regarding parenting.

We need to keep reminding ourselves of positive things of being bipolar. I believe there are so many really, you just have to look at things a little bit different and the good qualities within us.

So overall

• I find that professional give us more stress, bring up children then needs to be.

• I believe it is far from a negative being bipolar and being a parent.

• I also believe the only way we really affect our children by being bipolar, is bringing them up the correct way.

When bipolar could affect them?

• Yes of course my children have seen me cry on thousands of occasions.  I just say I’m tired, and like you I cry when I’m tired.

• Yes my children have seen me lay in bed and not want to get up. I tell them I’m poorly, which I’m not lying.

• Yes my children have seen my moods change within seconds. I just ask them to go play, or set up messy play for them. When I feel I can’t interact at that time.

So even though I am bipolar, I have strategies and positive ones for my children so they don’t think anything is wrong. I will keep to that until, I believe my children are emotionally developed enough, to understand the concept of mental illness.

I do nothing different, then most parents out there do.

• If they ill, they rest,

• If they having bad day they set up entertainment for children,

• If they cry, they will say something to the children to make them not worried.

I understand that some people have to go into hospital on occasions, but that is no different than going to hospital because of diabetes etc. You wouldn’t not have children because you have diabetes.

I believe it’s no different.

So no I don’t believe having bipolar really does make you bring up your children any different.

How do you find your bipolar affects the way you bring up your children. That’s if you think it does. :)

Meeting wrong people?

Why I believe we can attract me wrong kind of people.

I had a comment from a reader,  She was very brave to feel the confidence to write about her bipolar on my blog. So well done again :)

This lady mentioned that she always attracted the wrong type, the same as I stated in my post My personality.

Why do we though?

Well of course we have obvious reason like we attract people that have similar traits to us, but that’s not always a bad thing, as I stated with me being with my partner.

I have have met people from all walk of like, I am not a judgement person at all. I just look for good in everyone, I would find good in the most evilest person out there.. Crazy I know, but I can’t help it.

That's what makes us vulnerable, and I know that it is a nice word, but it’s only like that because we don’t look at things in the same way as everyone else.

I believe people see that in us and I’m afraid people take advantage of that. It’s a cruel world, It really is. I always use to believe I could change it, just me by myself, make this world a better place.

I wanted everyone to be as giving and caring as I was. Obviously, I got older seen more and more of the wrong doing. Especially what people do other people in this world, and realized it just way out of control, for anyone to fix.

I am always a firm believer in be person, you want this world to be. One of my favorite songs, is Michael Jackson, man in the mirror.

Unfortunately we aren’t all like that, That’s why we become targets. People lie, manipulate our kindness, do anything to get what they want out of us. We believe they honestly care about us, It’s not in our nature to think someone being so nice would do that.

I think we attract wrong people, because we try to help anyone. I see someone going downhill, wrong path in life. I try to help, it hardly ever works, because in reality people only help themselves.

Of course we do meet genuine people, they are our friends, our long term partners. Even now though I still meet wrong people, and I have accepted I probably always will..

I just walk away from them after I been mistreated and think do you know what, It's not my fault, you aren’t a nice person that took advantage of me. People always show their true colours in the end.

Can we stop meeting these types of people?

I didn’t, I was just lucky that I met my partner who is nice and loved everything about me. I think maybe it happens for all of us bipolar sufferers like that. It’s just luck we meet a nice person, that has values on how to treat another person.

Oh I met some right people that I had relationships with before my partner. I think I met everything kind of personality disorder there was. lol. I do believe I was used a lot. If someone did like me they just couldn’t handle me, so it always ended bad.

I think this added to bipolar, everything in our lives is just so up and down. With our friends, relationships, it just affects everything..

Having said that I love the quote

“ If you can’t handle me, at my worst. You sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best ”

I believe these are the people in our lives that are true to us that follow this quote, But I haven't had many. That’s why my friends are so limited.

Is there anything we can do?

The problem with me is I am too trusting.

I’ll share a story with you that could of ended so much worst than it did.

I won’t go into great detail, but you will get the jist.

I met another mum from my children’s nursery. we went to her house for a dinner party and we turned the favor.

The night we turned the favor, it all went very wrong.

The person got so hammered she had to sleep in my bed with her son. Her partner walked out and left her and her son at mine.

We put her to bed and her son started crying, she woke up and started hitting him in the face. I took her son away from her, I was just in so much shock by it. She was upstairs alone, and my son started crying.

(It was one of my twins 4 months old)

I was cooling a bottle and he stopped. I just thought he fell back to sleep, but I then all of a sudden I had this awful sick feeling. I ran upstairs to the cot and she had placed a pillow over my son’s head tucked down the side of the mattress. He was struggling to breathe, His poor arms and legs frantically moving up and down.

I never felt so scared in my life. I could of killed her. I rang her partner because she was still hitting her son in my kitchen. They left, I rang the police and social services. Nothing was done about it, they said her son was in a safe place. The police said she didn’t kill my son so there was nothing they could do.

I will never trust anyone again after that, that completely shifted me into meeting new people. I always meet the wrong people, so too safeguard my family. I will never invite people to my house until, I have known them a very long time

That’s how I’m going to make sure I never meet wrong people again,

I like the fact social services are in my life, when I reported a very serious incident in my house. I have no time of day for them after this. I just hope that poor little boy, doesn’t end up seriously hurt because the system failed him.

What are your views on this, have you ever befriended someone and it’s gone so wrong like mine?

I’d like to thank the people that keep returning to read my blog and all the newcomers that have took the time out to read some of my pages, so thank you.